When will I find my soulmate?

By The Spiritual Explorer | Published 3 June, 2015

Dear Spiritual Explorer: I have done a spiritual practice for many years and feel that I have accomplished a certain spiritual maturity. I long for a relationship that will meet me where I am spiritually. Even though I know I am attempting to use you as a spiritual Dear Abby, I am asking from my heart as to when I will find my soulmate. Roseanne B., Denver, CO.

Dear Roseanne: Thank you for your candid and open question. “When will I find my soulmate?” has been often asked, mostly by women I’m afraid, through the years. Having personally weathered many attempts at searching for and finding a “soulmate,” I have come to the conclusion that we have many soulmates along the way, Roseanne. The reason I say many is that it appears even statistically that long-term relationships have given way to short meaningful ones. These short meaningful relationships can be truly profound too in that they provide you and your mate, if successful, with a piece of a puzzle. Actually, however, asking the question of when will I find my soulmate is a good beginning.

The Piece of the Puzzle

The piece of the puzzle when asking when will I find my soulmate is the piece that perhaps you have been searching for years. Many times you continue to look to a partner to fulfill some love that is lacking in you, and paradoxically, he is looking to find this same piece with you. The problem is that the more each of you looks to the other for this, the less chance you have of finding it.

It is very interesting to me when asking the question of “when will I meet my soulmate”is the underlying assumption that there is a soulmate out there. I have a divorce counselor who cynically describes soulmates as “cellmates.” It is his feeling that people long to be united in some holy, (wholly) spiritual way, and yet when they come together, their respective egos force them apart. Using the metaphor as a prison in which a cellmate resides, it appears that when two people share a particular space, whether it be a jail cell or a 10 bedroom mansion, they are so anxious to place their individual desires before the harmony of the duo, that they render asunder that desired soulmate status. The underlying harmony that they seek is disrupted.

Projection or perfection?

When we continue to ask the question of when will I meet my soulmate, we are in danger of not seeing the person with whom we are attempting a relationship as the answer to what we are seeking. Too often we project upon our mates our desires for an idealized “perfection” that is impossible to realize when we ask when will I find my soulmate. We do not see that the person before us is a perfect projection of our own feelings and desires, and that our attempts to force them into soulmate mode is what will destroy for us the opportunity to achieve an insightful and real relationship with all its frailties and challenges. Our projections reveal ourselves if we are aware enough to see this. Suddenly we are faced with ourselves and this is when the true work begins.

When will I find my soulmate?

So in my poor benighted attempt at wisdom, Roseanne, I have to conclude that your question of when will I find my soulmate can be best answered “when you find yourself.” You are your soulmate. Everything you have looked for is a desire within to connect to the lost pieces of yourself that you hope to regain in somebody else. If you are lucky, you will find a mirror or relationship out there that will point you to your own self. Again, if you are lucky, it will be someone who is on a similar spiritual path with requisite compassion and awareness who is also looking for him or herself. This person hopefully will be willing to enter with you into an exciting adventure that can deepen your relationship with each other and increase awareness.

Good luck to you! Spiritual Explorer

If you have a question about “when will I find my soulmate,” or anything else, you can write me at Ask The Spiritual Explorer.

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