Chakras and Relationships

By The Spiritual Explorer | Published 23 September, 2015

Dear Spiritual Explorer: It’s the eighth year of my marriage and today I realized that I chose my husband on the basis of the wrong chakras. Could you better articulate what I am trying to express? Rosemary P., Longmont, CO

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Dear Rosemary: I have long given workshops regarding the choices men and women make and the chakras they base their relationships upon. When people make the decision to marry they are not always aware that their choices were based on one or more chakras and sometimes to the exclusion of those that would become significant as they mature within the relationship.

If you are young and starting out in life, there is a good likelihood that you might marry someone based on the first, second or third chakras. This is for the simple reason that oftentimes when we are young, if we’re not spiritually cognizant at that time, we make a decision based on survival (first chakra) sexuality (second chakra) or power (third chakra). Now this is of course very limiting because there are young people way in advance of my time who are much more spiritually aware and probably make choices based on higher chakras.

Chakras and Relationships: What’s next?

When we become less acquisitive and interested in our career choices or egoic needs, we begin to look at Chakra No. 4 which is the heart chakra. It suddenly becomes necessary to us that our spouse be committed to the heart, pursue heart-related activities and even perhaps do pro bono or non-profit work. We begin to look for men or women who resonate with our own heart-centered activities.

As we become more subtle in our aspirations, we begin to look for an even deeper spiritual commonality with our beloveds. We begin to see if they speak from the fifth chakra, which is the seat of devotion and where one truly begins to become aware of their spiritual selves. Then we might also look at the sixth chakra where people begin to divine their spiritual selves and then hope for greater spiritual accomplishment. Seeing events or matters in a more transparent or compassionate way, they become even more aware of clairvoyance and insight. Finally when one begins to desire to meditate and bring more of an essence into their lives, the seventh chakra begins to beckon, a place of wisdom and transformation.

Chakras and Relationships: The difference between men and women

We have begun to seek commonality and resonance with others who share our aspirations for wisdom and knowledge. As a woman ages, different from a male, she is sometimes not as driven by the more powerful power or survival needs, having accomplished a certain power and accomplishment and also more discrimination. Instead of being driven by one’s sexuality, she is suddenly looking at a total picture of her spouse, and realizing the whole picture might not fit her needs. She also finds herself quite independent in many ways in which she previously felt she needed a partner or spouse.

Interestingly, I have found that men do not seem, even if they follow a spiritual pursuit, to long for a spiritual female in the same way that a woman eventually longs for one. I can’t tell you how many women say to me, I wish my husband would meditate with me or go to this Reiki group, etc. I rarely hear that from a man. Again, this is a generalization, but one that I have discovered to have some credence when speaking of chakras and relationships.

It has also been my observation that women long for men to achieve that certain kind of awareness that usually comes from a man who is not afraid of his femininity and understands a female consciousness. A man who is considered more detached and not as driven by emotional needs, sometimes is satisfied just to have a woman who answers some of his basic needs and doesn’t seem to require as much spiritual companionship as a woman would like in her spouse.

Chakras and Relationships: Did I make a mistake?

So, was it all a mistake that you didn’t choose a partner who possessed what you now consider to be the most important chakras?Are you regretting that you didn’t realize the interconnection between chakras and relationships? As my friend would say, we can’t climb over our heads. The meaning of this is that you are just who you are at any given time. We all do the best we can depending upon maturity, experience and wisdom that we possess at the time.

The challenge is now to become aware of what you desire in your life and either accept your life as it is, still making choices that are good for you, or make a radical change. For some,that might include making a choice based on correlating chakras and relationships. That is not as easy as it sounds.However, when we are no longer attempting to balance the scales, and one side of the scale is listing severely,there is sometimes no choice. That is where your individual spiritual work must begin. Good luck!

If you have a question about “Chakras and Relationships,” or anything else, you can write me at Ask The Spiritual Explorer.

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